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Monday, February 20, 2017
Lord of the Rings Limericks: Please add your own in comments
There once was a wizard named Gandalf,
Who fought the Dark Lord to a stand off,
Then the lad from the shire,
Brought the ring to the fire,
But Gollum bit poor Frodo's hand off.
There once was a hobbit named Frodo, Domestic as ol' Quasimodo, When he left with the ring, And first heard the Elves sing, He cried, "Kansas this ain't, uncle Toto!"
(As with almost all my rhino contributions, this can only be fully appreciated by Tom.)
There once was a rotter named Gollum, And Hobbits was his biggest prollum, He wanted the ring, So he bit off the fing, Not knowing what next would befall'im!
Aragorn was a very fell knight Who never backed down from a fight He helped guard the ring So they named him the king Now he chills in the city of white
A good friend is Tom Bombadillo He knows how to school Old Man Willow He'll draw you a tub And feed you good grub And save you from barrow-wights chillo.
There once was a jerk named Bill Ferny Who sold a way overpriced perny It did as it should And carried stuff good In the end it was worth all the merny
There once was a homeboy called Denethor Who was pretty sure he couldn't take no more. He built a big fire And his guards were like, "Sire?", But then Gandalf knocked that fool's ass to the floor.
There once was a gardener named Sam Who lived many months on the "lam" He kept watch and he cooked After Frodo he looked And of salt he kept just a few grams.
There once was a barmaid named Rosy With Sam, she was known to get cozy They cavorted and dated But Sam hesitated Till the war gave him strength to proposey
nice paw. nice, all. Laura's line, "And his guards were like, 'Sire?'" is a brilliant way to pack a lot of meaning into a short line. Here be a couple of 'em, if'n ye don't mind:
O Galadriel was a fair Queen! Yea, the fairest that Gimley had seen! Yea, so fair, he decreed, That if you disagreed, He would bring down his axe on your bean!
and–
Said Dwarf Gimley to Elf Legolas: If our victory should come to pass, I'll indeed (if need be) Go to Fangorn with thee, But Helm's Deep will be much higher-class!
In Mordor, dwelt Shelob the Spider. Foul creature, a stinker and biter. The Ring-bearer was brung her, Then Sam, with Sting stung her, So she squelched in a hole, hope she died ther.
There once was a dwarf lord called Thorin, Who thought being an exile was borin'. So he gathered a group Of his buddies to scoop Up his gold from a dragon a-snorin'
Many happy posts here. Cristy's lovely "with Sting her stung her", Conor's Gimli poem is perfection, start to finish as is the Legolas/Gimili poem, and I love Tom's Thorin/Borin'/Snorin' combo. These are fun to write and fun to read.
Listen folks it's a terrible thing For a grown man to misplace his ring A foul creature once had it Then lost it dagnabbit And now I must find the halfling
With my palantir I can now see That my precious ring comes back to me Soon we'll be uniting Then the king I'll be fighting And the world will go dark to my glee!
We'll all of my plans just went "boom" Because Gollum fell into Mount Doom Aragorn overacted And kept me distracted Now it's I who'll end up in a tomb
The Witch King he drove his Fell Beast, On Snowmane intending to feast. The prophecies tell him, That no man can fell him, His bane, the Stern Maid who rode East.
The elf they call Cirdan once spoke Of the ancient aggressors he smote. His listeners listened til a short intermission then said "Shut up and build me a boat."
I remember back when I had power And overlooked all from my tower Then those filthy old shrubs Came at me with their clubs And forced me, as Sharkey, to cower
Anduril, the flame of the west, was a sword that some might call the best. While its wielder was happy his sword was so snappy, it left many orcs quite depressed.
A hobbit, by name Bilbo Baggins, Loved the life that a hobbit imagines, Till some dwarves and a wizard Blew through like a blizzard And dragged him off hunting for dragons!
Gandalf G left a message in Bree, ''Twas forgot by ol' Barliman B, So the Hobbits were late, When they got to the gate, But things worked out okay in the E.
In a gentleman’s armor arrayed in Rode Rohan’s most famous Shield Maiden There was so much to carry For behind her was Merry On a horse that was heavily laden
I'm finding these addictive. Here's one from the toes:
Once, a keen ladykiller called Striker, (Must have been an ancestor of Riker), Had to say, "Eowyn, I can not be your man." (But it wasn't cuz he didn't like her.)
I can't stop thinking of Limericks either! Good job rhyming Eowyn, I have been stuck on that. But you must be sleepy cos it's Strider and that don't rhyme with Riker, rewrite!
I'm also feeling addicted. Good to see life on the Rhino. So many worthy contribution, including Conor's straight from the toes story of Striker [sic].
There once was a dwarf realm called Moria that was loaded with mithril and warriors But they delved way too deep And they dug up a creep Called a Balrog. There's some bad luck for ya.
Twunce wuz a wiz. Call 'im Sharkey. From high towers he shouted malarkey. But the hobz up'n shoved 'im, Even squirmtung unloved 'im Thus concluding his crupt oligarchy.
Two hobbits named Merry and Pippin We’re hanging with Treebeard and sippin’ Good beer and good weed Made them merry, indeed When Gandalf came those boys were trippin’
There once was a hobbit named Frodo,
ReplyDeleteDomestic as ol' Quasimodo,
When he left with the ring,
And first heard the Elves sing,
He cried, "Kansas this ain't, uncle Toto!"
(As with almost all my rhino contributions, this can only be fully appreciated by Tom.)
Very nice. Very nice indeed.
ReplyDeleteanother –
ReplyDeleteThere once was a rotter named Gollum,
And Hobbits was his biggest prollum,
He wanted the ring,
So he bit off the fing,
Not knowing what next would befall'im!
Jokey limericks are the best
DeleteAragorn was a very fell knight
ReplyDeleteWho never backed down from a fight
He helped guard the ring
So they named him the king
Now he chills in the city of white
A good friend is Tom Bombadillo
ReplyDeleteHe knows how to school Old Man Willow
He'll draw you a tub
And feed you good grub
And save you from barrow-wights chillo.
First of all, cogoo, thank you for reminding me of important things.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, coho, your second poem is a masterpiece and I will now only refer to fingers as fings
Oops that should've been Cogoo
DeleteThere once was a jerk named Bill Ferny
ReplyDeleteWho sold a way overpriced perny
It did as it should
And carried stuff good
In the end it was worth all the merny
Made me laff
Deleteme too
DeleteMe three
Deletehahaha ...merny
DeleteThere once was a homeboy called Denethor
ReplyDeleteWho was pretty sure he couldn't take no more.
He built a big fire
And his guards were like, "Sire?",
But then Gandalf knocked that fool's ass to the floor.
-Laura
Do another one, Laura!
DeleteI'm glad it was clarified that this was a Laura Limerick - otherwise I'd chastise you for language.
DeleteI agree that Conor's second is a kingly limerick and great additions by Tom, Laura and Cristy. We have not seen the end of this thread.
ReplyDeleteThere once was a gardener named Sam
ReplyDeleteWho lived many months on the "lam"
He kept watch and he cooked
After Frodo he looked
And of salt he kept just a few grams.
Love this entry by Barry!
DeleteThere once was a barmaid named Rosy
ReplyDeleteWith Sam, she was known to get cozy
They cavorted and dated
But Sam hesitated
Till the war gave him strength to proposey
nice paw. nice, all. Laura's line, "And his guards were like, 'Sire?'" is a brilliant way to pack a lot of meaning into a short line. Here be a couple of 'em, if'n ye don't mind:
ReplyDeleteO Galadriel was a fair Queen!
Yea, the fairest that Gimley had seen!
Yea, so fair, he decreed,
That if you disagreed,
He would bring down his axe on your bean!
and–
Said Dwarf Gimley to Elf Legolas:
If our victory should come to pass,
I'll indeed (if need be)
Go to Fangorn with thee,
But Helm's Deep will be much higher-class!
In Mordor, dwelt Shelob the Spider.
ReplyDeleteFoul creature, a stinker and biter.
The Ring-bearer was brung her,
Then Sam, with Sting stung her,
So she squelched in a hole, hope she died ther.
I also tried a Gimli/Galadriel limerick but couldn't get it to come out right. Nice going coggy
ReplyDeleteMom, your limerick reads like one that was written by hobbits
ReplyDeleteThere once was a dwarf lord called Thorin,
ReplyDeleteWho thought being an exile was borin'.
So he gathered a group
Of his buddies to scoop
Up his gold from a dragon a-snorin'
Many happy posts here. Cristy's lovely "with Sting her stung her", Conor's Gimli poem is perfection, start to finish as is the Legolas/Gimili poem, and I love Tom's Thorin/Borin'/Snorin' combo. These are fun to write and fun to read.
ReplyDeleteSauron's Last Writings: A Trilogy
ReplyDeleteListen folks it's a terrible thing
For a grown man to misplace his ring
A foul creature once had it
Then lost it dagnabbit
And now I must find the halfling
With my palantir I can now see
That my precious ring comes back to me
Soon we'll be uniting
Then the king I'll be fighting
And the world will go dark to my glee!
We'll all of my plans just went "boom"
Because Gollum fell into Mount Doom
Aragorn overacted
And kept me distracted
Now it's I who'll end up in a tomb
Good ones! I love thinking of sauropod saying dagnabbit
DeleteSauron
DeleteA sauropod is also fun to imagine saying dagnabbit.
DeleteDad, I'm a big fan of your revisionist middle earth history
The Witch King he drove his Fell Beast,
ReplyDeleteOn Snowmane intending to feast.
The prophecies tell him,
That no man can fell him,
His bane, the Stern Maid who rode East.
I loveth the tale of the Maid who slew the King.
DeleteThe elf they call Cirdan once spoke
ReplyDeleteOf the ancient aggressors he smote.
His listeners listened
til a short intermission
then said "Shut up and build me a boat."
I had to look up Cirdan to understand this, but I was rewarded for my labor. Well done.
DeleteCirdan Limerick!
DeleteSaruman had a deadly disease
ReplyDeleteHe forsaketh his forest of trees
Their limbs dislocated
They rose irritated
And brought the white whiz to his knees
I remember back when I had power
ReplyDeleteAnd overlooked all from my tower
Then those filthy old shrubs
Came at me with their clubs
And forced me, as Sharkey, to cower
Anduril, the flame of the west,
ReplyDeletewas a sword that some might call the best.
While its wielder was happy
his sword was so snappy,
it left many orcs quite depressed.
A hobbit, by name Bilbo Baggins,
ReplyDeleteLoved the life that a hobbit imagines,
Till some dwarves and a wizard
Blew through like a blizzard
And dragged him off hunting for dragons!
Gandalf G left a message in Bree,
ReplyDelete''Twas forgot by ol' Barliman B,
So the Hobbits were late,
When they got to the gate,
But things worked out okay in the E.
one of my faves
DeleteMine too. Quite clever.
DeleteIn a gentleman’s armor arrayed in
ReplyDeleteRode Rohan’s most famous Shield Maiden
There was so much to carry
For behind her was Merry
On a horse that was heavily laden
I'm finding these addictive. Here's one from the toes:
ReplyDeleteOnce, a keen ladykiller called Striker,
(Must have been an ancestor of Riker),
Had to say, "Eowyn,
I can not be your man."
(But it wasn't cuz he didn't like her.)
I can't stop thinking of Limericks either!
DeleteGood job rhyming Eowyn, I have been stuck on that. But you must be sleepy cos it's Strider and that don't rhyme with Riker, rewrite!
Drat! I realized that this morning.
DeleteI don't think it can be salvaged.
I knew it was too good to be true.
I'm also feeling addicted. Good to see life on the Rhino. So many worthy contribution, including Conor's straight from the toes story of Striker [sic].
ReplyDeleteRadagast was a wizard in brown
ReplyDeleteIn his way, his assisted the crown
He alerted the seagulls,
the pigeons and eagles
To help bring the white wizard down
I like this one a lot
DeleteMe too, this is your best yet paw.
DeleteThere once was a dwarf realm called Moria
ReplyDeletethat was loaded with mithril and warriors
But they delved way too deep
And they dug up a creep
Called a Balrog. There's some bad luck for ya.
The Balrog poem is mighty indeed. The rhymes are grand.
ReplyDeleteTwunce wuz a wiz. Call 'im Sharkey.
ReplyDeleteFrom high towers he shouted malarkey.
But the hobz up'n shoved 'im,
Even squirmtung unloved 'im
Thus concluding his crupt oligarchy.
a perfect trio of arkey rhymes for this character.
DeletePerhaps my final contribution:
ReplyDeleteTwo hobbits named Merry and Pippin
We’re hanging with Treebeard and sippin’
Good beer and good weed
Made them merry, indeed
When Gandalf came those boys were trippin’
Mary and Pipin were conspicuously neglected until now
ReplyDelete